You are 100% responsible
18th Apr 20186m48s
- Nobody else is responsible for your life but you. Now, that's quite a simple statement on the face of earth and if you tell people this, most people will agree with you. It just makes sense. Everybody is ultimately responsible for what happens in their life or the quality of their life, to be more accurate. But, I think there's some complexity to this. One of the interesting things I think is even though it's true, Most people... Most of us don't live our lives as if this is true. We complain about things. We complain about other people. People letting us down, people pissing us off. We complain about a structural problems that we can't seem to get around, or society set up in a particular way and that screwed me over, or some natural disaster happened, or something when not the way I intended and that screwed me over or something like that. All these complaints we have. The thing is if you really think about it, it's natural to feel this way about things going wrong. Coz first of all, we don't control the things that happened to us. By and large we just don't, we don't control other people. We don't even know what's gonna happen. We can't even predict it. So of course, stuff's gonna go wrong. Of course there're gonna be times where we don't get what we want, or something unexpected happens and knocks us off course. And even how your react in that moment. So, someone lets you down and you're upset, or you didn't get the marks you needed to pass the exam or you missed out on the chance to do something because of something else that happened. We feel upset in that moment. We might feel disillusioned. We might feel angry. We might just feel sad and it's natural to feel that way. But, whether we maintain that feeling of upset, whether we maintain that feeling of anger or sadness, is entirely down to us, and is entirely our own responsibility. Because how you react in the moment can be attributed to just natural human reaction, but what you think about later on in the day, whether you think back to what happened, and you keep repeating it in your mind, and keep feeling upset about it, that's entirely down to you. That's down to your mind. The thoughts and emotions that you carry in your mind. And that's why this statement's very powerful. The statement that you are 100% responsible with your life, because ultimately when it comes down to it, it's you who controls the thoughts in your mind. It's you who controls the emotions you experience. Yes, we've got a deep thought parts in the start come up. Right? So this is our subconscious thinking which influences our conscious thinking. So if you are somebody who is often pessimistic about things or you have been pessimistic about things in the past, then you're naturally going to be a pessimist which means naturally you're going to think negatively about potential outcomes. And those thoughts will just happen automatically. And yet, even those thoughts can be trained differently. If you really wanted to, you can even change your thinking around that and you could change yourself to become a more optimistic person. It would take time but it's definitely possible. When you really embrace the statement that you are 100% responsible, the first thing, the first thing that comes out of this is you stop blaming other people for your problems, you stop blaming society for your problems. This doesn't mean that you attribute no blame whatsoever to the cause of your problem, it maybe that someone else is the cause of your problem. But, you sort of learn to let it go in a way because you realize that ultimately, you can't control that person. You can't control what people are gonna do to you, what people are gonna say to you. All you can control is how you react to it. That's the thing about taking responsibility. You're taking responsibility for how you react to these things. So that's the first thing that comes out. You just stop blaming other people as much and you start to let go. It almost doesn't matter what they're doing or saying, coz they're gonna do what they're gonna do. They're gonna say what they're gonna say and it's up to you to figure out how you're gonna react to it. The other thing that comes out of this when you really embrace the statement is it gives you a sense of ownership of your life because instead of it being, "Okay, this has happened or people are doing this "or saying this or thinking this, "and there's nothing I can do about it, "I've got to suck it up". You're actually saying, "You know what? "People are doing this, saying this, thinking this, "and it doesn't matter because I'm the one "that controls my thoughts and therefore "I'm the one that controls my experience of this". So you know what? You're taking back control of your life because you're taking back control of your inner mind. There's an interesting corollary here if you've read into any sort of spirituality or philosophy or anything like that, one idea that you might have come across is this idea of accepting the present moment for what it is. Because often we feel upset when we resist what's happening in the present moment and the now. And often the advice is if you learn to accept the now and just allow things to be as they are then no longer is there any resistance and therefore you'll have a peaceful mind. I've tried to practice that before and I've struggled with it because if you just accept things as they are then it's almost like you're saying, "Well, I have to be okay with things being this way. "I can't fight things being this way. "I have to be okay with it in order to get a peace of mind. "But what if I'm not okay with it?". And when I think about that advice of accepting things as they are, I find it easier to do that when I then reframe it as taking 100% ownership of the situation in my mind. Because that's just actually what you're doing when you're accepting it, when you're letting go and accepting the present moment. What you're really saying is, "I can't control what the other people are doing "or this external situation. "I can't control it. "But I can and will control how I react to it in my mind". You have to really internalize this. You have to really embrace this and be really strict with yourself. See, when you find yourself in your mind complaining about someone, what someone said, someone did or about something or something that happened, or some structural issue in society you think affects you, You need to catch yourself having thoughts like that. Coz those thoughts are just making you more upset. Those thoughts aren't really taking you forward in any way. So, you have to catch yourself having those thoughts and remind yourself that, "You know what? "You don't control it. It sucks". But, you are still 100% responsible for how you feel about it in the long term. So, you have to take control in your own mind. I think that's really important that full embracing of this thought, of this idea and you have to live it. And if you can really live it and then act accordingly, then I think you can have a happier life.